Saturday, November 7, 2015

Moving Right Along!

There are two things that I have learned during this house building process:

1.  I am very impatient.
2.  My husband is crazy (I say that with nothing but love!)

Okay, so maybe I already knew those things.  Maybe we all did.  But this process just really brings those characteristics out!  Everyone keeps asking how the house is coming and I keep saying, "It's coming along!", and in my head I say, "....but not fast enough for my liking!".  Now that has nothing to do with anyone but me and my impatience.  I KNOW that when you are house building you have to contend with weather, other projects, etc. etc.  And I really like our builder a lot - he is great!  No builder could build a house quick enough for this girl.  HA!  And Tommy, well, he is behaving much better with this project I will say.  No underground garages.  No wiring the entire house himself.  He does still have the occasional crazy idea - most are just thoughts, some are going to be a reality.  Like our indoor dog bathroom - ask him about it.  He will tell you in great detail about the most insane dog bathroom that anyone could ever dream of.  I admit, the thought of NOT having to go outside with Rocko in the winter is very appealing!

Moving on to the actual progress which is my favorite part!!!

About a month ago the digging began and this is a picture of what the hole looked like before the basement walls were poured.  It pretty much looks like someone took a big bite out of the hill.  :)

This is when the lower driveway was created.  This driveway currently is being used for construction purposes but it will later serve as the driveway for Tommy's basement workshop which will store our trailer.

This is a pretty cool part of the project.  In the woods behind Tommy's parent's house was a large hickory tree that had fallen.  He really wanted something from this woods for sentimental value so this giant tree in the trailer will turn into our fireplace mantle.  To say that this was a heavy load in the trailer would be a great understatement!


Tommy then took the lumber to someone local who has a portable saw mill.  That is where the magic happened - where this giant tree became the nice piece of wood that will someday be our fireplace mantle.  It is huge and heavy and gorgeous!!!

This is Tommy and his dad with all of the lumber that came out of the hickory tree.  Some will be used for our mantle and the rest of it will be used for future woodworking projects.

We had two trailers and a truck load full of hardwood floor delivered.  My crazy husband decided we would clear out our dining room in our tiny apartment and store it there (it can't be put in a storage shed due to temperature control.)  After much anxiety I decided I could live with that.  However, in the end it worked out because some amazing people offered to let us keep it in their warehouse!  There are still good people out there folks! 

Choosing the type of flooring for the house was one of the most drawn out decisions that we have made so far.  We both LOVE hardwood.  However, at our last house we had hand scraped teak.  It was beautiful.  But by the time we moved out (which was only after about 3 years), our floor was a disaster because of Rocko and his pesky claws.  When choosing a floor you have to think about things like pets, kids, etc. because that will determine what hardness of wood you need.  We originally were going to do wood look tile.  We ordered samples, we made countless trips to every flooring store Evansville had to offer and though a couple were "okay", none of them made us excited.  So after much discussion we decided to go back to one of our original ideas which is hickory.  Hickory is much harder than many of the woods out there so we are hoping this will hold up for us.  If it does get damaged (which it inevitably will with our lifestyle and our dog!), it can always be refinished down the road.  I think it is going to look great!!! 

This past week was pretty exciting for me because I could see a lot of progress!  The basement walls were poured and that was huge!  You can now really see the layout of the house and it's very cool to be able to visualize the size of Tommy's wood shop and how it will be laid out.

This is the first picture of me "in" the basement!  So exciting!

The plumbing was also done this past week but I have no exciting pictures for that stage of the game. This next week (weather pending!) we will have our floors poured and then we will be on our way to framing!  The framing will all be complete in one day and I can't wait to see that process!!!!

So it is coming along slowly but surely just as any house project does.  I am getting better daily with knowing that it's all going how it's supposed to go and that it's out of my control.  I am a lot more at peace when I can look at it that way.  :)

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

The Project Officially Begins!

Hey friends!  A lot of people have been asking how the house is coming along and my answer has been for the past few weeks, "It's not!"  That changed this week!  The house itself is not yet "coming along" but we have now broken ground which is a huge step.  There has been a lot of positive progress over the past couple of weeks that is giving me hope that I won't be confined to this apartment forever - HA!

Last week we met at the lot with our builder and the person in charge of doing the excavating.  This was to discuss what trees would come down (as few as possible!), where the driveway would go, where to bury stumps, etc.

There are many things that go into the beginning process of building a new home.  A lot of these I didn't know about because I wasn't "present" last time.  I am enjoying learning all of these things this time around!  The same day we met with our builder, we noticed that both the sewer and the water were in the process of being taken care of.  More progress!!!!

A big part of our time over the past couple of months has been researching, researching, and researching some more.  While it IS fun to pick out all of things to build a new home, it is also time consuming if you want to do it cost effectively which we definitely do this time around.  We have spent a lot of time deciding the things that we want for the house and then researching the best places to purchase these things.  We recently ordered several of our exterior doors from Menards and picked them up last week.  They are now living in one of our storage sheds with the majority of all our other belongings ;)

In addition to picking up the doors from Menards, we picked up our big cedar beams.  These beams will be used for Tommy to build the trusses for the exterior of the house.  He built the trusses for our last house as well and they were absolutely beautiful.  These will be more simple style than the last beams which is good since Tommy doesn't have a workshop to build in right now and obviously he isn't far removed from back surgery.  Our wonderful friends Dan and Linda were kind enough to lend us their back yard this past weekend to work on them a little bit.  :)  Have you smelled fresh cut Western Red Cedar?  It's incredible!

We have decided on Natural Cherry cabinets so one of our next steps was to pick out granite for our countertops in the kitchen.  I am pretty open to anything as long as it has brown tones but Tommy is a little more picky about these types of things - HA!  We thought we had chosen what we wanted but when we went back, Tommy saw a slab that he fell in love with.  These pictures don't really do it justice due to the lighting and reflection on the granite but it really IS a beautiful granite.

Hey!  We officially have our slabs paid for and on hold!  Yay!

Yesterday was the big day - the excavating began!!!  I've been waiting VERY patiently (Not) for this to happen so I was beyond excited to get up yesterday morning and go check it out.  I went out to the lot on three different occasions yesterday to check the progress and it was very exciting to see an actual spot where the driveway and the house would be!

This was the beginning of the day and you can see where the driveway will come in from the road.  As I mentioned we are trying to keep as many trees as possible.  We want a house in the woods!

As you can see, as the day went along the lot changed quite a bit!  Looks like we will have plenty of firewood to use next year ; ) 

Today they were supposed to dig the hole for the basement and finish up the excavating but the weather is not cooperating so not much action today.  The plan is to finish digging tomorrow and then the footers will go in.  

Thursday I am taking a trip to Nashville to look at and price flooring which is our next big decision.  We've gone back and forth on several different options.  We have at least decided that we will be doing wood look ceramic tile throughout the house.  We LOVE hardwood, but we always plan to have at least one bulldog, and someday possibly multiples and our last flooring was ruined by the time we sold the house.  We don't want to make the same mistake this time!  

Stay tuned for more updates!  Hopefully more frequently now that we have officially begun!  

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Now Let's Build a House! (Again!)

As most of you know, we've had a pretty rough week or so dealing with Tommy having his second back surgery.  There have been some complications with that but things are starting to look up!  We appreciate everyone who has offered to bring us food, babysit him so I can run errands, etc.  We are blessed to have the people that we have in our life.  :)

Despite the stressful week, we did received some very good news - everything is finished with the bank and we are now ready to start building!!!  For our builder we will be using Nate Mominee from Mominee Homes & Roofing.  We are very excited to work with him on this project!  Everything is in motion to break ground next week.  The excavators are scheduled for late next week and I can't wait to see the process begin!

We have of course been looking for quite some time to decide exactly what we want in this house.  We HOPE that this will be the last house that we live in (though with Tommy you never know right? HA!).  Our goal for this house is to downsize and make it our own.  We will be putting a lot of our own personal touches on this house that will make it scream "Tommy and April live here!!!"  Here are a few pictures of things that have spurred ideas for us.  I think in my previous life I wanted everything to look perfect and I thought I had to choose one style and everything had to go with that. I now know that we can do whatever we want.  I don't have to do what other people would do.  I don't have to do what would look great in a magazine.  I can decorate however I want  :)  So to describe the style of this house would boho?  I am not sure.  We love a lot of rustic details but I also love bohemian details - lots of bold colors and textures.  It is going to be so fun choosing everything to use!

I am going to blog as much as I can through the process of this building.  I tried to do that on the last house we built but guess what?  As was the case with a lot of things, my alcoholism got the best of me and I started something I never finished.  So building this time will be a whole different experience for both Tommy and I.  We are in a very different place this time. When the old house was being built was when my alcoholism was in full swing and to say that I was not helpful would be an understatement.  I caused more issues and stress than the building of the house did.  I ended up in rehab toward the end of that building process so I wasn't even physically here for it.  This time will be a whole different ball game because I am sober.  Happily sober.  I am looking forward to working on this house with Tommy - as a team.  Doing this one as a family.  I know the process will be stressful at times but we are looking forward to it.  

Stay tuned for pictures and updates as we move along in the process!  

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

On The Move....As Usual!

Hello old blogger friends!  I haven't blogged in QUITE some time it seems!  I have the itch to start doing so again so look out!  I love to write, it's just hard finding time to it with everything else going on in my life.  I am so blessed to have a full life today - too many hobbies, not enough hours in the day!  Not to mention that the name of this blog is no longer applicable really because we no longer live IN the Meadow!  I am still trying to figure out what to do with that....

I have a lot of ideas of things to blog about in the near future but I want to start with a post about where we are today as a family.  Literally - where we physically are.  If you know us, you know that we always have projects going on.  And you know that we've moved a lot over the past few years.  I get a lot of questions - Where are you living NOW? Why did you guys sell that house?? When will your new house be finished?  Wait, you went from THAT house to an apartment?!  Hopefully I can answer some of those questions here and kind of give you a brief overview of our journey over the past 10 years as it pertains to houses, condos, hotels, and apartments.  Yes, we've been in all of those (not to mention my one month in rehab living in Nashville!!!)

When we were first married, we lived in a smaller brick home on the east side of town.

We did a lot of work on that house - put down hardwood floor, ripped out carpets, painted, redid the master bathroom, etc.  We started to outgrow that house though as the kids got older - or at least we thought we did.  I think we always want bigger, better, and more right?  We had a lot in Henderson that we had planned to build on in the future BUT as plans often do, this one changed.  We were randomly looking at houses for sale just for fun and we found one in a GREAT neighborhood for an amazing price.  We drove out to look at it and although it was an older home, the lot was PERFECT.

We loved backing up to a woods, we loved the big trees, Tommy was golfing at the time and it was a golf course neighborhood.  We put in an offer and BOOM.  We suddenly had a house that was built in the 70's and hadn't had many updates since.  So we moved in and started making our plans for remodeling.  We had lived there almost a year and had only made a few updates like painting when....

.....the house caught fire from our wood burning fireplace and it was a total loss.  That was devastating and stressful and scary on so many levels.  I will never forget how the inside of the house smelled afterwards.  It was like a nightmare walking through trying to figure out what all had been lost.  Going through and having to inventory everything was so time consuming and never ending.  You don't realize what all people go through after a house fire until you have one happen to you.  The night of the fire, we had nowhere to go so we went to a hotel in town.  We stayed there for a week.  That was interesting to say the least.  Then we had to have somewhere to live temporarily while a new house was built, so we happen to find a condo for rent in our neighborhood.  That would be perfect so we could be close to the building site of the new house that was being built where the old house was.  So, while living in this condo....

.....the old house was being torn down and the lot was getting ready for us to rebuild on.

To keep a very long story short, while living in the condo at the end of 2010 - beginning of 2011, my alcoholism progressed and I became very sick and became a person that I no longer knew.  Alcohol and my lifestyle ruled my life and nothing else mattered.  Add to that the stress of building a new house and our life was very unmanageable.  By the grace of God, my husband offered to send me to rehab in Nashville, TN at Cumberland Heights.  So while my family was still in the condo and finishing up the new house, I was living here for 30 days....

Are you keeping up?  Keep in mind all of this has happened in a matter of 10 years.  Have I mentioned how much I hate moving?!  When I came home from rehab in June 2011, our new home was almost complete and it was absolutely gorgeous.  After it was in the Parade of Homes that year, we were able to move in.  We loved it and it was so beautiful and perfect for us.  So we thought.

While in this house a lot of things happened.  I learned how to live sober which was the highlight of my life so far.  :)  My sister graduated high school, started college, and moved out.  Our kids entered their teen and pre-teen years and started getting busier and busier and spending more time with friends and less time with us ;)  My crazy husband (I say that with love!) had bright ideas to do some pretty big projects.  Including a MASSIVE outdoor fireplace, a flagstone patio, a huge master closet and an underground garage.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Did I mention that we did all of these projects ourselves?  Which then lead into Tommy's back becoming so bad that finally surgery was inevitable.  He had spinal fusion surgery so we got to live in the basement of this house for a bit after that.  :)  I have a lot of great memories of this house.  Truly.  However, we started one day talking about the fact that someday we would want to downsize when the kids got older.  And we thought....what are we waiting for?  Why not do it now while we are still relatively young and can still enjoy life.  Let's downsize and spend less money on this place and more time living.  So, in the fall of 2014 we put this house on the market.  Selling this guy was not easy.  It was a huge house and a nice house and we had put a lot of money into it.  We were not going to get what we wanted for this house but after 6 months on the market, we accepted an offer.  Selling this house was a very stressful process on a lot of levels.  We didn't think it would EVER sell.  In the meantime we had found a lot in Newburgh that we really loved.

There is a whole lot more to that story as well but I will spare you.  Once our house sold, we purchased the Newburgh lot and things were great.  But wait?  Where will we live until our new home is built? Enter apartment living:

This portion of it all has been very interesting because we went from our 5700 square foot house to a 1000 square foot apartment.  The majority of our things are in storage sheds.  We have three of those rented along with some stuff hanging out at various family members homes.  We have only what we need at this apartment but it's teaching us that we don't need HALF of the junk that we own.  And as a lover of purging things, I am looking forward to getting rid of a bunch of stuff.

So that is the cliff notes version of our living situations over the past 10 years.  We've moved a lot.  We've lived in a lot of different places.  We've changed our minds a lot.  We've learned a lot.  We've learned what we do want and what we don't want.  We've learned what is important and what is not.

We are hoping to start building our new home in the next month or so.  We are currently in the process of finalizing floor plans, having our builder get bids, etc.  To say that I am impatient is an understatement.  I'm very ready to just be SOMEWHERE and have all of our stuff in ONE place.  I am not sure what this new journey of building again is going to bring us but I will keep you all updated.  No, I don't think our lives are so exciting that you all want to hear every detail but I do know that people think we are nuts and like to hear about our projects you go.  HA!

I look forward to doing more writing now on this blog.  As I said, I have a lot of ideas.  This is going to be a blog about my life, my thoughts, my world.  And my thoughts can be pretty weird sometimes so just stick with me.  ;)

Sunday, November 10, 2013

My name is April and I'm an....introvert?

One of the coolest things about sobriety is that you start to learn who you are.  What is even cooler is that you become OKAY with who you are.  This has been one of the best parts of sobriety for me.  I have discovered a lot of things about myself.  I like jigsaw puzzles.  I like slam poetry.  I don't like putting on a lot of make up.  I don't like wearing heels.  I really like coffee.  I'm this wonderful mix of quirky things and I am happy with that.  Something that I have discovered that has really taken me by surprise though is that I think I am a closeted introvert.  If you would have asked me years ago I would have identified myself as an extrovert but today I'm leaning more towards the other end of the spectrum.  My mom is a self-proclaimed introvert and I never thought I had that same personality.  Well guess what?  Now that I'm sober, I do.  I think it was there the whole time but I was masking it.  I was trying to be what YOU wanted me to be which was an extroverted party girl.  Or so I thought.  Maybe not.  I digress.  The thing is that I love my friends.  I love my family.  I love going out and participating in fun activites.  I love to listen to people tell their stories and I love to laugh until I am crying.  But...BUT.  There is a whole other side to my personality which I believe is now the dominant one.  The introverted side. 

Mom recently sent me a link to a story that the Huffington Post did called, "23 Signs You're Secretly An Introvert."  I was really surprised to see so much of myself in these.  Take a look at these.  Do you identify?  Here are a few that I identified strongly with and the ones that made me think hmmm....

1.  You go to parties - but not to meet people.  This one basically says that as an introvert you like going to social functions but chances are that you aren't going there to meet new people.  Most introverts would rather spend time with people they already know and feel comfortable with.  If you happen to meet someone new, great, but that wasn't the goal.  I mean thank goodness I have met a lot of wonderful new people in my life, however, this is very much me.  At social functions you will find me with those people that I know and that know me.  I won't be the one up working the room introducing myself to others and making small talk.  Not happening.  I'm not there to make a ton of new "friends" or acquaintances.  I don't need to know everything about every person in there.  I don't need to know when the next party is.  Not my thing. 

2.  Downtime doesn't feel unproductive to you.  One of the most fundamental characteristics of introverts is that they need time alone to recharge their batteries.  Extroverts tend to get bored or antsy spending time alone.  For an introvert this time feels necessary and enjoyable.  YES.  Give me a day with a good book, a good movie, some hot tea and a blanket and I'm good.  I don't need constant activities and in fact if I don't have my downtime, I become very discontent.

3.  Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those same people afterwards.  Oh man.  I can identify with this.  I have not spoken in front of 500 people but I have spoken in front of large groups and I rarely get nervous or stress about it.  I am pretty comfortable at a podium speaking on a topic that I'm educated about.  But to make small talk with people afterwards.  Yikes.  My awkward side is likely to come rolling right out when that happens.

4.  You start to shut down after you've been active for too long.  Once out and about for too long introverts tend to become tired or unresponsive.  According to some, everything introverts do in the outside world causes them to expend energy, after which they will need to go back and replenish in a quiet environment.  I've noticed that I do this more and more.  I love socializing and I love participating in fun activities.  But I reach a point where I hit a wall.  After a day of events and social activities I hit that wall and at that point I need to retreat.  I need to go rest, curl up with a book, hang out with my dog and my husband.  If not, I very much go to the zoning out that this article speaks of. 

5.  You screen all your calls - even from friends.  You may not pick up your phone even from people you like, but you'll call them back as soon as you are mentally prepared and have energy for the conversation.  I saw something on Pinterest that says, "I ignore texts. I let the phone ring. I log off Facebook chat.  It's nothing personal, but people need to realize that sometimes I just don't want to talk."  I read that and thought, well crap.  I identify with that.  That makes me sound like an as&%ole.  The thing is that I'm not (well most of the time I'm not!).  I just have my limits with talking to people.  I am not the person who is always texting someone or calling someone.  I have my few people that I talk to on a regular basis but chances are, and I'm sorry for this but I've probably ignored a text or phone call or facebook chat from most people in my life at some point. 

6.  You have a constantly running inner monologue.  And let me just pair this one with the fact that introverts generally enjoy writing because I think the two are related.  It is said that extroverts don't have the same internal talking that we do.  Most introverts need to think first and talk later.  A lot of introverts say they feel most creatively charged when they have time to be alone with their thoughts.  I find this is true for me.  I have a CONSTANT inner monologue running.  Some people have this and it manifests as stress and anxiety but not the case for me.  I have probably 4 or 5 book ideas running through my head at any given moment.  I probably have a couple of poems floating around in there too.  I think I'd be bored without this inner monologue.  Strange?  Maybe.

7.  You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity.  It is said that when introverts move too much- socializing, being busy, etc. - they get stressed and need to come back to themselves.  It seems that there is a balance of social activity periods and periods of solitude and inwardness with introverts.  They almost need a recovery period after a ton of social interaction.  This is me.  If we have had a super busy weekend filled with people and events and rushing around then I start REALLY looking forward to and almost craving Monday when I can be alone and do my own thing. 

These are just a few of the things that stood out to me in this article.  There are 23 of them and I can relate to almost every one of them.  I think that I always associated being introverted with being shy and that isn't the case with introverts at all.  It's much different than that. I'm okay today with being introverted.  It's okay that I don't want to be "on" all of the time.  It's okay if after a long day of socializing I want to go rest when others want to stay and socialize.  It's okay that I'd rather stay in and write or read than go to a bunch of social gatherings. 

I have seen some great quotes about being an introvert that have described me perfectly.  I will leave you with some of those. 

"I am not boring or shy.  I am an introvert. An artist.  A lover.  A dreamer.  A fighter.  A seeker."

"Introverts crave meaning, so party chitchat feels like sandpaper to our psyche."

"Introverts tend to get their energy from within, so being with people is draining.  After a day filled with people or activities, introverts tend to feel exhausted and empty.  They just need quiet time to come back to themselves."

"I'm an introvert.  I love being by myself, love being outdoors, loving taking a long walk with my dogs and looking at the trees, flowers, and the sky."

"Some of an introverts best 24 hours ever are spent with no human interaction.  All that delicious time was spent however they wishes and delightfully alone."

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Bye Bye Chameleon

It’s been awhile since I’ve sat down and blogged but for some reason lately I have the itch.  The writing itch.  I of course want to write my life story but have you ever really thought about that?  I feel like you would have to wait until after you were dead to have it published.  Anyway…I digress.  Someday I will write a book, probably with the help of my mother but until then, I will get back to my blog here.

I celebrated 2 years of being clean and sober on May 2nd.  What a blessing!  I would have never guessed that to be possible.  It hasn’t always been easy but it’s always been worth it.  “More will be revealed,” is something I hear a lot in the recovery community and that is so true.  I learn more about myself all of the time and it’s such an awesome journey.

The thing on my mind lately is how I am finally starting to be comfortable with who I am.  I don’t always know who I am but on most days I have a pretty good grasp of that person.  This is something that before sobriety I could not have said.  I had no clue who I was.  I was whoever you wanted me to be.  I was whoever I needed to be to be accepted in whatever situation that I found myself in.  I had no idea that this was an alcoholic trait.  This was something that I struggled with my entire life and I just thought I had low self-esteem or that I was crazy (that is still up for debate…HA!). 
When I was younger I always felt like I didn’t belong.  No matter what group of friends I was in, I felt like I was on the outside looking in.  If the group of people that I wanted to belong to liked to do certain things on the weekends, then I liked that too.  If the cool thing at the time was to like country music, then I liked country music.  If it was to like rap, then I liked rap.  I really had no idea what I liked though. 

In college it became even worse, especially in the dating world and the bar scene world.  My best friend used to refer to me as a chameleon and we thought it was so funny.  I could go into any situation and change myself into someone that those people would accept and like.  We are going to a sports bar?  Okay!  Great!  I will put on my baseball shirt, suddenly become an expert on whatever team YOU like, and I will drink beer with the boys.  We are going to a wine event?  Okay!  Great!  I will put on a pretty black dress, suddenly be very interested in things people with money are interested in, and I will have some wine and be able to tell you everything about said wine.  This was my life.  I saw nothing wrong with it really.  I had no idea that this was an alcoholic trait that I had always had and would only get worse as my disease progressed. 

The six months or so before rehab, I really became the ultimate chameleon and became someone that looking back, I don’t even recognize.  Even if I HAD known who I was, I would have certainly been afraid to be that person around the people that I surrounded myself with.  I’m sure that whatever I TRULY liked to wear, to listen to, to do on weekends, etc. wouldn’t have been considered “cool” so therefore I would have shut that down and went with what everyone else was doing.  I became afraid to read certain books I might have liked because what if someone thought I was a nerd for reading that book?  Or what if I listened to a certain genre of music and people thought I was uncool for listening to that?  Or what if I liked a certain outfit and it wasn’t what was “in”?  No way.  I wouldn’t wear it.  I was going to be whatever you wanted me to be, even if it meant losing myself and hurting those around me. 

Here is the good part of all of this though.  That is over now.  I won’t say that some days that character defect doesn’t creep up and I don’t all of the sudden look around and think, “Holy crap I don’t fit in here.  I am so different than these people.”  This happens especially at events not related to recovery.  That feeling of being “less than” can creep up quickly.  Today though, it passes.  I am okay with myself.  And you know what?  I am a big nerd.  I am okay with that.  I like jigsaw puzzles.  I like word games and words in general.  I like country music but I also like pretty much all other genres and today what I listen to depends on my  mood, not on who I am with or who might hear what I am listening to.  Today I love to read and I don’t care that people know that sometimes I like to read young adult books or something completely cheesy like Fifty Shades of Grey because next week I might be reading Catcher in the Rye.  Again, it’s all in my mood and today that is okay.  On the 4th of July this year I wore a Duck Dynasty shirt with a red, white, and blue bandanna because that is ME.  I carry expensive purses but I am a country girl at heart in a lot of ways.  And that’s OKAY.  I am not a religious person at all but I do consider myself a spiritual person and I do believe in a Higher Power who I pray to every single day.  That is definitely something that in the past I would have been afraid to admit to any of my “friends” around me because I wouldn’t want to hear the backlash.  My friends today though all love me exactly the way that I am and I am grateful for that. 

This is a journey of discovery and I look forward to learning more as I go along.  Remaining teachable and learning more all of the time is such a gift and I am grateful every day for the life I have been given. 


Thursday, December 6, 2012


No, I'm not rebooting my computer or my cable box (which is annoying to have to do by the way!), but I realized this week I need to "reboot" some things in my life.  I mentioned that I was kind of in a funk this past weekend and I'm happy to say that I made myself snap right out of that on Monday.  New week, sunny day, and time to get off the pity pot as my sponsor would say.  :)

Monday night I went to my home group meeting and as always I felt better after I left there.  Yesterday I went to an awesome meeting at noon and heard so many things that I needed to hear.  Isn't it amazing how that tends to happen?  Turns out that a LOT of people are in this kind of "funk" right now.  Maybe it's the weather.  Maybe it's the holidays.  Maybe we are just alcoholics and addicts?  HA  Either way, it was great to go and hear that others were going through this and I was able to hear their solutions to this.  I especially love hearing from people who have longterm sobriety discuss going through a slump and their solutions.  It's good to hear that I'm "normal" for an alcoholic and that this too shall pass.  It's also really cool that I can recognize today when I am in this type of funk and that I do NOT like wallowing in that place for long.  Don't get me wrong, I let myself wallow sometimes longer than I should but I'm able to say today that that is an icky place to be.  I prefer being on the happy side of sober. 

Tonight I met with a sponsee at Starbucks (I swear it's the unofficial meeting spot for alcoholics...HA) and it was good to get out of my own head for a little bit.  That is one of the greatest joys of sponsoring women and I am blessed to have great sponsees in my life who I learn from all of the time.  I went to a women's meeting tonight and it was awesome and again, I heard what I needed to hear and felt great when I left there. 

As far as the "reboot" I'm referring to, I kind of realized that I've been slipping in my recovery program.  Not huge slips - just not doing as much as I used to or as much as I need to.  For the past couple of weeks I haven't been hitting as many meetings as I normally do.  I haven't been reading as much as I normally do.  Just little things but they can become big things fast for those of us who need a consistent program and daily reprieve.  So I'm kind of rebooting my program - time to get back in the frame of mind I was in when I was newer in the program.  I have to remember that my recovery program comes before anything else in my life.  I have heard whatever you put ahead of your recovery you are sure to lose eventually and I believe that.  Especially with the holidays coming up I need to really make sure that I have a good action plan for working the program that I know I need to.

I think I'm rambling now but in addition to that I've started thinking about my physical health as well.  I used to workout all the time and eat super healthy.  That is something that I can become obsessive with so I have to watch it but I think I'm ready to start the new year off getting slowly back into that way of life.  I know that I feel SO much better when I eat healthy and exercise regularly.  Here's to hoping I can make myself do it when the time comes! 

Hope everyone is having a great week - 19 days until Christmas....eeek!