No, I'm not rebooting my computer or my cable box (which is annoying to have to do by the way!), but I realized this week I need to "reboot" some things in my life. I mentioned that I was kind of in a funk this past weekend and I'm happy to say that I made myself snap right out of that on Monday. New week, sunny day, and time to get off the pity pot as my sponsor would say. :)
Monday night I went to my home group meeting and as always I felt better after I left there. Yesterday I went to an awesome meeting at noon and heard so many things that I needed to hear. Isn't it amazing how that tends to happen? Turns out that a LOT of people are in this kind of "funk" right now. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's the holidays. Maybe we are just alcoholics and addicts? HA Either way, it was great to go and hear that others were going through this and I was able to hear their solutions to this. I especially love hearing from people who have longterm sobriety discuss going through a slump and their solutions. It's good to hear that I'm "normal" for an alcoholic and that this too shall pass. It's also really cool that I can recognize today when I am in this type of funk and that I do NOT like wallowing in that place for long. Don't get me wrong, I let myself wallow sometimes longer than I should but I'm able to say today that that is an icky place to be. I prefer being on the happy side of sober.
Tonight I met with a sponsee at Starbucks (I swear it's the unofficial meeting spot for alcoholics...HA) and it was good to get out of my own head for a little bit. That is one of the greatest joys of sponsoring women and I am blessed to have great sponsees in my life who I learn from all of the time. I went to a women's meeting tonight and it was awesome and again, I heard what I needed to hear and felt great when I left there.
As far as the "reboot" I'm referring to, I kind of realized that I've been slipping in my recovery program. Not huge slips - just not doing as much as I used to or as much as I need to. For the past couple of weeks I haven't been hitting as many meetings as I normally do. I haven't been reading as much as I normally do. Just little things but they can become big things fast for those of us who need a consistent program and daily reprieve. So I'm kind of rebooting my program - time to get back in the frame of mind I was in when I was newer in the program. I have to remember that my recovery program comes before anything else in my life. I have heard whatever you put ahead of your recovery you are sure to lose eventually and I believe that. Especially with the holidays coming up I need to really make sure that I have a good action plan for working the program that I know I need to.
I think I'm rambling now but in addition to that I've started thinking about my physical health as well. I used to workout all the time and eat super healthy. That is something that I can become obsessive with so I have to watch it but I think I'm ready to start the new year off getting slowly back into that way of life. I know that I feel SO much better when I eat healthy and exercise regularly. Here's to hoping I can make myself do it when the time comes!
Hope everyone is having a great week - 19 days until Christmas....eeek!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Sunday, December 2, 2012
It's Been Awhile....
It's been a really long time since I have blogged. I seem to go in spurts like that with everything that I do. I'll blog a lot....then I won't blog at all. I'll sew a lot....then I won't sew at all. I'll do a ton of puzzles...then none for a year. I was talking to my sponsor about this and she just kind of laughed. We alcoholics tend to have this "all or nothing" mentality and I think that I must carry that over into all parts of my life including hobbies. I definitely keep busy with hobbies but it's like I have hobby ADD or something. HA
For a quick catch up, life is good here. Today I celebrate 19 months of sobriety and for that I am truly grateful. Sheridan is busy with cheerleading, Will is busy just being Will, and Tabi is about to finish her first semester of college and is doing really well. I couldn't be more proud of them all! Rocko is enjoying laying around being Rocko. I think he makes the Christmas tree look even better don't you?
My recovery journey continues day by day and I have to admit, it's not always super easy. If it was easy, everyone would do it right? I don't want to drink. But the emotional sobriety isn't always the easiest thing in the world to keep on track. It isn't always easy to not get involved in other people's problems, especially if it's family you are dealing with. Even while working what I consider to be a pretty good program I still have days where I just want to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head and not talk to anyone at all. I have days where everything around me is frustrating and makes me irritible. These days are very few and far between thank goodness. I'm having one of those days today and it's for no reason at all. Maybe it's the gray and gloomy wet weather? I'm not sure. I'm thankful today though that I don't have to drink over a bad day and that I have tools to use to not kill anyone around me. :)
In my last post I talked about going off of my Lexapro. That didn't last very long. I wanted to try to go off of it but it just didn't work for me and that's okay. When I was off of it I was turning into a person that I didn't like. I got to the point where I felt like I was crawling out of my own skin and was irritated by everything around me. I was turning back into the "old April" very slowly but I could feel it creeping in. I was just not being a nice person and that isn't me anymore. I decided to talk to my psychiatrist about going back on the Lexapro and when I told her how I was feeling she was like, "Why would you NOT go back on it???" Good point. So I went back on it and was fine again within a week or two. Some people think it's not a good thing to take those kinds of meds, but if you need them, you need them. Some people even in recovery still need extra help and I'm okay with that.
We are gearing up for the holidays around here. The kids and I decorated our trees last weekend and as always it was a great time. We put up our big family tree and it is filled with ornaments that all have meaning to me. Each year everyone gets a new ornament to hang on the tree and that is a great tradition that the kids look forward to. In the dining room Sheridan and I put up our candy theme tree. I always wanted one of those and now I have one. It's beautiful! In the breakfast room we have our University of Kentucky blue and white tree with UK ornaments on it. Go Cats! The kids all have small trees in their bedrooms and we have another one in the basement. To say I go a little crazy at Christmas is possibly an understatement. :) Next week I will start my Christmas baking and I enjoy that SO much. I give so many baked goods as gifts at this time of the year and I truly love doing that.
I hope everyone has a great holiday season! Now it's time for me to go catch up on all of the blogs that I used to read! :)
For a quick catch up, life is good here. Today I celebrate 19 months of sobriety and for that I am truly grateful. Sheridan is busy with cheerleading, Will is busy just being Will, and Tabi is about to finish her first semester of college and is doing really well. I couldn't be more proud of them all! Rocko is enjoying laying around being Rocko. I think he makes the Christmas tree look even better don't you?
In my last post I talked about going off of my Lexapro. That didn't last very long. I wanted to try to go off of it but it just didn't work for me and that's okay. When I was off of it I was turning into a person that I didn't like. I got to the point where I felt like I was crawling out of my own skin and was irritated by everything around me. I was turning back into the "old April" very slowly but I could feel it creeping in. I was just not being a nice person and that isn't me anymore. I decided to talk to my psychiatrist about going back on the Lexapro and when I told her how I was feeling she was like, "Why would you NOT go back on it???" Good point. So I went back on it and was fine again within a week or two. Some people think it's not a good thing to take those kinds of meds, but if you need them, you need them. Some people even in recovery still need extra help and I'm okay with that.
We are gearing up for the holidays around here. The kids and I decorated our trees last weekend and as always it was a great time. We put up our big family tree and it is filled with ornaments that all have meaning to me. Each year everyone gets a new ornament to hang on the tree and that is a great tradition that the kids look forward to. In the dining room Sheridan and I put up our candy theme tree. I always wanted one of those and now I have one. It's beautiful! In the breakfast room we have our University of Kentucky blue and white tree with UK ornaments on it. Go Cats! The kids all have small trees in their bedrooms and we have another one in the basement. To say I go a little crazy at Christmas is possibly an understatement. :) Next week I will start my Christmas baking and I enjoy that SO much. I give so many baked goods as gifts at this time of the year and I truly love doing that.
I hope everyone has a great holiday season! Now it's time for me to go catch up on all of the blogs that I used to read! :)
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Lexapro withdrawal symptoms make you feel amazing and wonderful! - said NO ONE EVER
Hey all! I haven't written in so long because....well...hm. Have you ever seen those funny signs that say, "I have so much to do...I think I'll just take a nap"? That has been me lately. We've had several things going on - some good, some not so good but we've been super busy. I have so many things I want to write about both recovery related and just life stuff. Hopefully this week I can get around to some of that. But today, let's talk about the title of this post.
Lexapro withdrawal symptoms make you feel amazing and wonderful!" - said NO ONE EVER.
(This is NOT me, but this is TOTALLY how I felt today. I feel for this girl. HA)
I need to write about this for a couple of reasons. One, I just need to whine, okay? I rarely do that anymore so I need to sometimes. Today is that day. HA! Two, I know a lot of people go through this and it's been helpful to me reading what others have gone through. So let's talk about this wonderful thing I'm going through right now.
A couple of years ago, I started seeing both a therapist and a psychiatrist as many people do when they later find out that addiction/alcoholism is their problem. That of COURSE was not MY problem. No sirree. Not me. I'm not THAT girl. Riiiiight. Anyway, so I was having a lot of anxiety and depression so my psychiatrist put me on Lexapro. I was willing to try anything at that point (or so I told myself...stopping drinking might have helped, no?) so I started taking 10mg of Lexapro and went on my merry way. Now, they tell you not to drink with a drug like this. Yeah. I really listened to that one. Not so much. I just kept on drinking like it was my job on top of taking the Lexapro so who really knows what it was or wasn't doing for me during that time.
When I was very heavy in my drinking towards the end I quit taking my Lexapro. I also quit taking my Synthroid, Allegra, everything else I should have been taking. I just quit taking care of myself period. So I stopped the Lexapro cold turkey but didn't notice any withdrawal symptoms. Well, DUH. I was drunk all of the time. Of course I wouldn't have noticed the withdrawal symptoms. I know that now. At the time I was just like, okay, whatever, no more pills!
When I went to rehab I got back on my 10mg of Lexapro and probably honestly needed it at the time. That was the best thing I have ever done but it was also scary and I had tons of emotions and had to actually FEEL them and PROCESS them without a mind altering substance like alcohol. Talk about frightening. That was in May of 2011. I've been taking 10mg since then and have been fine with it.
Now, I know a lot of people when they get sober they decide to try going off their anti depressants. I really wanted to do that because I don't want to be taking anything that isn't necessary. My sponsor and psychiatrist and I agreed that once I had been sober for a year then we could revisit going off of the Lexapro. 2 weeks ago I decided that I wanted to try it. I'm sitting at almost 16 months sober and most days I work a pretty good program and feel pretty happy. I rarely am agitated, irritable, anxious, etc. I do have those days of course but they are nothing like I used to experience. So I thought, why not? Now seems like a good time. So I talked to my psychiatrist and she set me up on a schedule to ween off of the medicine in a pretty soft manner. I was to do 10-5-10-5 every other day for a week then do 5-0-5-0 until the next week when I would go off completely. I weened off and felt fine. I truly thought, huh. All these people talking about Lexapro withdrawals on the Internet are being dramatic and that obviously isn't going to happen to me. That is what I get for thinking that. WRONG.
About 3 days after going completely off of the Lexapro I started getting what is commonly referred to as "brain zaps." These are fairly common when going off of SSRI's according to everything I've read. It wasn't horrible. I definitely could tell something weird was going on but it wasn't to where I couldn't function. My mood wasn't affected, no headaches, no nausea, none of the other stuff I had read about. Again I became smug. BAD IDEA.
Today which is a week after stopping the Lexapro I feel awful. I woke up fine but as the morning went on my body began to really hate me. I was out running errands and I was driving. I began to feel really nauseated and dizzy and almost like I was carsick. I get really carsick anyway so I hate that feeling. I stopped off and got a Sprite to drink thinking I could calm it down. Didn't happen. I was just trying to get home as fast as I could at that point. I was praying that I didn't vomit in the car while I was driving. I thankfully had a trusty McDonald's bag there just in case. HA I have never felt carsick while driving but that is exactly how it felt. I was miserable. I got home and just crashed on the couch. I never threw up but felt like it for quite some time. I found that if I just stayed very still then I was okay. But when I would move at all the dizziness came flying back. This must be what Vertigo feels like. It is NOT fun.
That is pretty much how I have spent my day. It has really been off and on. I'll be fine for a bit then the dizziness and nausea will come back. Along with being super tired and having hot flashes. Yeah, fun. My psychiatrist said if I wanted I could go back to taking 5mg and try to taper again but honestly I just want to be done with the Lexapro once and for all and if I start taking any dose of it again, then I'll have to go through this all again and I certainly do not want that. I've read people say that it can take a month for this to go away. I have to say, I may not be able to take this for a week much less a month. So we will see what I end up doing.
Thanks for letting me whine. I mean I did this to myself, deciding to go off of the pills so I don't expect much sympathy but thanks for reading anyway. I'll get back to happier topics later this week hopefully because I have a TON of good going on right now to focus on. Don't think my gratitude is gone - it's just taking a backseat for a minute today! I won't sit in the pity pot for long though as my sponsor would call it. :)
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Say Cheese!
We have lived in our new house now for a little over a year and I am sorry to say that I still have a lot of blank wall space. It's not that I don't WANT things hung...it's that I haven't made the time to figure out what I want on each wall, to purchase things, to make things...whatever the case might be. I am finally starting to get on this though because I think a house looks so much homier with pictures hung, don't you??
I am trying to be more thrifty about things and thanks to Pinterest I find all sorts of wonderful ideas to save money on house projects. I knew I needed several frames for a couple of gallery walls but I also know frames can really add up. What to do, what to do...ah! I had a ton of old frames just laying around in drawers that were outdates - brass (just not my taste...) or just in need of some love. I decided to sand them down and give them a fresh coat of paint to make them all black. I had some black acrylic paint so after sanding the frames I used the black paint and viola! Easy peasy and much cheaper than buying all new frames!
I also needed some mattes but didn't want to spend the money on those either. So I decided to just whip those up myself with something that I saw on Pinterest. I already had a couple that I had bought awhile back so I decided to use those for a template in making my own mattes. I had seen on Pinterest where someone used cereal boxes and upcycled them into mattes. I have a ton of boxes like that in my pantry that I would have just thrown away so I decided to put them to good use.
First I took the matte that I already had and traced it onto the inside of the box I was using. I then used a utility knife to cut out the pattern from the box. Using the cardboard box makes the matte look thicker than if you just used regular paper to create one. This makes a difference!
Next step is to figure out how you want your matte to look. You can use plain white paper or colorful scrapbook paper. I opted for some scrapbook paper that I already had around the house. Lay the matte that you cut out of cardboard on the back of your sheet of cardstock. Trace onto the scrapbook paper so that it is the same size as your cardboard matte. Now cut the shape out of the scrapbook paper. I again used a utility knife here.
Now that you have both pieces of your matte ready, it's time to glue them together. I used rubber cement for this but I'm sure any type of glue would work. Glue them together then make sure they fit in the frame. I had to trim off a little on a couple of them but for the most part they were close to perfect.
Now you can place the matte in your frame and add a picture! I'm sure my best friend won't mind me showing off her gorgeous child on here to show you my final products. :)
I am extremely pleased with the final product! I will add a few more to the bottom most likely. I love having family pictures on this wall!
We also recently finished up another photo gallery in our basement. We are doing a music theme in that room as we both grew up around music, playing music, listening to music, etc. I used old photos of our family members playing instruments and some newer ones of hubby playing the guitar. I mixed in a couple of cool wire pieces that I found at Hobby Lobby. One more project completed!
I am trying to be more thrifty about things and thanks to Pinterest I find all sorts of wonderful ideas to save money on house projects. I knew I needed several frames for a couple of gallery walls but I also know frames can really add up. What to do, what to do...ah! I had a ton of old frames just laying around in drawers that were outdates - brass (just not my taste...) or just in need of some love. I decided to sand them down and give them a fresh coat of paint to make them all black. I had some black acrylic paint so after sanding the frames I used the black paint and viola! Easy peasy and much cheaper than buying all new frames!
I also needed some mattes but didn't want to spend the money on those either. So I decided to just whip those up myself with something that I saw on Pinterest. I already had a couple that I had bought awhile back so I decided to use those for a template in making my own mattes. I had seen on Pinterest where someone used cereal boxes and upcycled them into mattes. I have a ton of boxes like that in my pantry that I would have just thrown away so I decided to put them to good use.
First I took the matte that I already had and traced it onto the inside of the box I was using. I then used a utility knife to cut out the pattern from the box. Using the cardboard box makes the matte look thicker than if you just used regular paper to create one. This makes a difference!
Now that I had my frames and my mattes ready, it was time to hang them on the wall. I have looked at a ton of ideas for hanging pictures in a stairway and finally decided I would just do it my own way. Everyone has different sizes of frames and different ideas so there is no right or wrong way to do this in my opinion. I cut paper to the sizes of the frames I would be using and hung them on the wall so I could easily move it around until I decided how I wanted everything. I wrote on the pieces of paper what size of picture would go in each so it would help me decide what to put in each frame. I had to explain a couple of times, no, this is not some new kind of art I am trying out....
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Busy in the Meadow!
I haven't blogged in a SUPER long time and my excuse is just that life has gotten in the way. I have to be in the mood to blog for one thing and for another, actually sitting down at a computer for long enough to collect thoughts and actually type them out just hasn't been happening for me. But tonight, TONIGHT I decided time to stop making excuses and get on this. (That, and well, my best friend Erin says she doesn't even feel like she knows me until she reads my blog to catch up on my life. Considering we have been best friends for over 25 years I'd say she knows me better than almost anyone but I'll humor her here....)
Let's just go with an update of everyone living under my roof. We are all running every which way so here we go starting with the baby:
Rocko: Rocko is, well, being Rocko. He is enjoying summer because he likes to sunbathe by the windows. His allergy shots are now spread out to every 7 days which is good for all involved. He does have Twitter though so if you want a good laugh, you can follow him @babydogrocko. He turns 3 on August 28th! I better get planning his birthday treat....
Will: Will has spent the summer pretty much just hanging out. He went to baseball camp at USI which is my alma mater and had a great time learning from the "big boys". He and I have spent a lot of time playing "HORSE" at the pool this summer and I think we are about even on wins vs. losses. He does make me get on my knees though so I'm the same height as him in the pool. HA! All I can really say about him is that 8 year old boys say the darndest things and he just makes me laugh all the time just by being himself. Football should be starting soon for him. Or maybe soccer. Or maybe both! Time will tell!
Sheridan: Sheridan started 7th grade today! I can't believe that. She has become boy crazy this summer which is hysterical to me. She is also currently obsessed with the band One Direction and has a shrine to them in her room. Almost an entire wall is covered in One Direction posters that she has spent hours making. Some people don't like their kids putting that crap on their walls but honestly? She gets to use her creativity and she loves it so it's whatever as far as I'm concerned. She made cheerleader for this year so this summer has been a lot of conditioning and a week of cheer camp. She hates the conditioning so hopefully once they actually get to start cheering at games she will be happier about this decision. :)
Tabi: Tabi has been trying to enjoy her summer before starting college. We've all been getting used to having a "kid" in our house who is no longer in high school but is yet still living in our house. A lot of discussions about rules, money, etc. but I think we have it all figured out now after a lot of tears, arguments, and eye rolls. Teenage girls are tough, period. HA She is still working at Subway being a "sandwich artist" and will start college in a week and a half at Ivy Tech. She is excited about school which makes me excited! I can't wait to see what she is going to do with her life - she is talented enough to do anything she wants! I will personally be happy for all the high school drama to be over. Though really? Is it EVER really over? Hm.
Tommy: Tommy has just been trying to keep all of us in line :) Tough job but someone has to do it. We are starting our backyard overhaul this week so he has been keeping pretty busy figuring out plans for that project. He is also almost to the point of having his wood shop put together enough to start building furniture again and I can't wait for that!!! I have so many things I NEED him to build for me. :)
Me: I've been running around like a chicken with my head off this summer. Running the kids all over the place, getting Tabi ready for college, visiting with family, helping my best friend move, etc. etc. The list goes on but it is all great things and I'm blessed to have all of the people in my life that I do. Recovery is going very well. I had 15 months of sobriety on August 2nd and I'm still going strong. I am now sponsoring two women that are a bright spot in my life and help keep me out of my own head which is definitely a necessity on a lot of days. I've had some days where I would have considered myself being in a slump which I am told is pretty normal at this point in sobriety for some people. As a whole though I enjoy everything about it
As for projects for me, I have a lot of them going on right now. I kind of go in spurts...no projects for awhile and then all of the sudden I want to do 3 or 4 at a time. Which is where I am now. Currently I'm working on a gallery wall for our basement stairway. If you came in right now you would think I had lost my mind and was decorating with sheets of paper. No, not the case. I did that so I know where to hang the frames once I get them all painted. Yes, painted. I had a ton of frames packed away that were brass or ugly colors so I'm painting them all black so I don't have to go spend a fortune on new frames.
I'm also in the process of finishing our corn hole boards. I started them years ago. And I mean probably 4 or 5 years ago. One thing about being in active addiction/alcoholism? You start a lot of projects but never finish them. Well this is one of them. Tommy made the boards and I started to paint them. But got about 1/4 of the way through and didn't touch them again. They are going to be University of Kentucky themed for hubby so I'm drawing the Wildcat on them and painting him. Super fun project for me and I can't wait to finish it FINALLY years after starting it!
I keep mentioning my best friend (probably because she is so fabulous, right E?) but I have to mention her again. She has awakened something in me...my artistic side! So I used to paint and I loved it. I painted a few things for friends including murals on walls and canvases to match bathroom/bedroom decor. This is kind of another hobby that went by the wayside with my drinking and it's coming back in full force. Erin is a first grade teacher and she wants a funky painted chair for her classroom and she asked if I could do it. Um yes, I would LOVE to! I love painting furniture and I had forgotten how passionate I am about painting. I would LOVE to be able to eventually sell some custom pieces but we'll see. I really want to focus on upcycling pieces that I find at yard sales, consignment shops, etc. so I'm currently on the hunt for a chair for Erin's classroom. I came across a child's rocker today for cheap and bought it so someone with a little kid in my life is going to be the recipient of that at some point soon. :) So I will see where this goes for me. It's a fun thing for me to do and if it leads to something great and if not it will help me use my creative side and make some cool things for relatives and friends.
Whew! Okay, I think that is all I have right now. We are busy bees but I'm going to try to keep up with this more especially now that I'm getting some house projects and whatnot going. I like to post those! They are fun for me to look back on. For now though, have a great rest of your week!!
Let's just go with an update of everyone living under my roof. We are all running every which way so here we go starting with the baby:
Rocko: Rocko is, well, being Rocko. He is enjoying summer because he likes to sunbathe by the windows. His allergy shots are now spread out to every 7 days which is good for all involved. He does have Twitter though so if you want a good laugh, you can follow him @babydogrocko. He turns 3 on August 28th! I better get planning his birthday treat....
Will: Will has spent the summer pretty much just hanging out. He went to baseball camp at USI which is my alma mater and had a great time learning from the "big boys". He and I have spent a lot of time playing "HORSE" at the pool this summer and I think we are about even on wins vs. losses. He does make me get on my knees though so I'm the same height as him in the pool. HA! All I can really say about him is that 8 year old boys say the darndest things and he just makes me laugh all the time just by being himself. Football should be starting soon for him. Or maybe soccer. Or maybe both! Time will tell!
Sheridan: Sheridan started 7th grade today! I can't believe that. She has become boy crazy this summer which is hysterical to me. She is also currently obsessed with the band One Direction and has a shrine to them in her room. Almost an entire wall is covered in One Direction posters that she has spent hours making. Some people don't like their kids putting that crap on their walls but honestly? She gets to use her creativity and she loves it so it's whatever as far as I'm concerned. She made cheerleader for this year so this summer has been a lot of conditioning and a week of cheer camp. She hates the conditioning so hopefully once they actually get to start cheering at games she will be happier about this decision. :)
(Sheridan and I at Panama City Beach in July!)
Tabi: Tabi has been trying to enjoy her summer before starting college. We've all been getting used to having a "kid" in our house who is no longer in high school but is yet still living in our house. A lot of discussions about rules, money, etc. but I think we have it all figured out now after a lot of tears, arguments, and eye rolls. Teenage girls are tough, period. HA She is still working at Subway being a "sandwich artist" and will start college in a week and a half at Ivy Tech. She is excited about school which makes me excited! I can't wait to see what she is going to do with her life - she is talented enough to do anything she wants! I will personally be happy for all the high school drama to be over. Though really? Is it EVER really over? Hm.
(Tabi at her graduation party with our nephew Brayden!)
Tommy: Tommy has just been trying to keep all of us in line :) Tough job but someone has to do it. We are starting our backyard overhaul this week so he has been keeping pretty busy figuring out plans for that project. He is also almost to the point of having his wood shop put together enough to start building furniture again and I can't wait for that!!! I have so many things I NEED him to build for me. :)
(Tommy and I in Panama City Beach celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary!)
Me: I've been running around like a chicken with my head off this summer. Running the kids all over the place, getting Tabi ready for college, visiting with family, helping my best friend move, etc. etc. The list goes on but it is all great things and I'm blessed to have all of the people in my life that I do. Recovery is going very well. I had 15 months of sobriety on August 2nd and I'm still going strong. I am now sponsoring two women that are a bright spot in my life and help keep me out of my own head which is definitely a necessity on a lot of days. I've had some days where I would have considered myself being in a slump which I am told is pretty normal at this point in sobriety for some people. As a whole though I enjoy everything about it
As for projects for me, I have a lot of them going on right now. I kind of go in spurts...no projects for awhile and then all of the sudden I want to do 3 or 4 at a time. Which is where I am now. Currently I'm working on a gallery wall for our basement stairway. If you came in right now you would think I had lost my mind and was decorating with sheets of paper. No, not the case. I did that so I know where to hang the frames once I get them all painted. Yes, painted. I had a ton of frames packed away that were brass or ugly colors so I'm painting them all black so I don't have to go spend a fortune on new frames.
I'm also in the process of finishing our corn hole boards. I started them years ago. And I mean probably 4 or 5 years ago. One thing about being in active addiction/alcoholism? You start a lot of projects but never finish them. Well this is one of them. Tommy made the boards and I started to paint them. But got about 1/4 of the way through and didn't touch them again. They are going to be University of Kentucky themed for hubby so I'm drawing the Wildcat on them and painting him. Super fun project for me and I can't wait to finish it FINALLY years after starting it!
I keep mentioning my best friend (probably because she is so fabulous, right E?) but I have to mention her again. She has awakened something in me...my artistic side! So I used to paint and I loved it. I painted a few things for friends including murals on walls and canvases to match bathroom/bedroom decor. This is kind of another hobby that went by the wayside with my drinking and it's coming back in full force. Erin is a first grade teacher and she wants a funky painted chair for her classroom and she asked if I could do it. Um yes, I would LOVE to! I love painting furniture and I had forgotten how passionate I am about painting. I would LOVE to be able to eventually sell some custom pieces but we'll see. I really want to focus on upcycling pieces that I find at yard sales, consignment shops, etc. so I'm currently on the hunt for a chair for Erin's classroom. I came across a child's rocker today for cheap and bought it so someone with a little kid in my life is going to be the recipient of that at some point soon. :) So I will see where this goes for me. It's a fun thing for me to do and if it leads to something great and if not it will help me use my creative side and make some cool things for relatives and friends.
Whew! Okay, I think that is all I have right now. We are busy bees but I'm going to try to keep up with this more especially now that I'm getting some house projects and whatnot going. I like to post those! They are fun for me to look back on. For now though, have a great rest of your week!!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Drinking and Driving
Hey all! I haven't blogged in a long time - summer is so busy for us! I've had something on my mind a lot lately though so I want to get it "on paper" so to speak.
When I was a little girl, my dad was a bad alcoholic/addict. I can recall many arguments between my mother and father regarding who would drive after dad had drank too much. I think dad always thought he was fine and could do it. I hated long car rides because I knew there would be arguing about this subject. I didn't know what was going on at the time but now I know. I am sure he drove us around like that countless times. Thank God we didn't die or kill someone else.
In high school I joined SADD (Students Against Drunk Driving) because I vowed I would NEVER drive drunk. Why would someone do such a thing??? My junior year of high school on New Year's Day we received a phone call that two of my guy friends had been killed in a car accident the night before. They were seniors in high school halfway through their senior year with bright futures ahead of them. They left behind parents who didn't know how to go on without them, friends who became lost without them, and they left behind a message to everyone - don't drive drunk. It was found that they had been drinking when they wrecked. It was devastating in high school to go through this. If I thought I would never drive drunk before that, I sure as heck knew at that point I never would. I had friends who died because of it! And in high school, I never did. In fact, I only drank a couple of times in high school and didn't drive any of those times. I would have been way too scared to do so.
In college and in my early 20's I began really drinking a lot and going out a lot. At some point I just decided that getting behind the wheel of the car after a long night of drinking was better than waiting on a cab or having to go pick up my car the next day. I can't tell you how many times my friends and I left bars or parties after drinking entirely too much. We could barely walk straight some nights, much less drive across town but that is exactly what we did. I should have been arrested. I should have died or killed someone on those nights. But once again, thank God I didn't get what I deserved. The more I did it, the more it became easy to do. It became part of the routine in fact. I used cabs a couple of times but not nearly enough.
Also in my early 20's I woke up one morning very early to a phone call from one of my closest friends at the time. She was crying. She was calling to me that our other very close friend's husband had been killed in a car accident that morning on the way to work. He was on his way to work and was hit head on by a truck going the wrong way on a 4 lane highway. This was the hardest thing I have ever been through with a friend. Going to help plan a funeral, going to visit a friend the night of hearing this news, and watching her try to pick up the pieces afterwards was devastating. And....the person who hit her husband was drunk. And he was not injured at all. He had left a local bar after drinking all night. I went with her to court where he was sentenced but in our eyes he wasn't going to be behind bars for long enough. I was very angry at this man at the time. How could someone do this? Yet, I did it all the time. That could have been me. My disease was eating my so much that I didn't see that I was doing the same thing and had just been lucky so far.
Two weeks ago, my 18 year old sister received a call that one of her 20 year old friends had been hit head on by a vehicle while driving home that night. And....the driver of the vehicle that killed her was drunk. They lived. She did not. 20 years old with a lot of life left to live and she died because of someone else's selfish actions.
Last week I was looking at the news and heard that there had been a wreck in our town where a teenage drunk driver had hit someone and though the injuries were not life threatening the other driver had been hurt. I prayed for all involved and went on. The next day as I looked online at the news I saw the mugshot of the driver who had been drunk. I was floored. It was a friend of mine who did outpatient treatment with me last year. She just looked so incredibly sad in that picture. She had been doing so well in her recovery and relapsed a few months ago. That is where this disease took her - to getting behind the wheel of a car with a BAL 3 times the legal limit. 19 years old and such a beautiful young woman with so much to offer. This disease has stolen so much from her, including now her freedom. She is now sitting in jail. Her mother is inconsolable. This has rocked our recovery community, especially those of us who were close to her. It shook me to the core. I am glad she was caught - this means she is no longer harming herself or others. However, I am saddened that she is still so sick and caught up in this awful addiction. All we can do at this point is pray that this is the desperation that she needed to get back into a recovery program and pray for those affected by this accident. She goes to court tomorrow morning to learn her fate. So young.
I have a completely different view of all of this now that I am sober. I have been on many sides of being affected by drunk driving - doing it myself, losing friends who were doing it, seeing friends do it and injure others, etc. I used to be very angry at people who did this which was very hypocritical considering I was doing it myself. However, now, I just pray that these people get the help that they need. Anyone who is driving around like that likely has a problem and needs help. They don't need people beating up on them and putting them down. I'm certainly not justifying their actions - it is very selfish to get behind the wheel of a car like that. This disease makes us selfish. It's probably hard for some people to see this side of things but I now have a love and tolerance for people that I never had before. I am thankful for that. And I am thankful that I never got what I deserved.
Please don't drink and drive. Give up your keys. Have someone pick you up. Call a cab. It's not worth losing your life, your freedom, or someone else's life over. I made that mistake entirely too many times myself. If you can't walk straight, chances are, you shouldn't be driving!!!
When I was a little girl, my dad was a bad alcoholic/addict. I can recall many arguments between my mother and father regarding who would drive after dad had drank too much. I think dad always thought he was fine and could do it. I hated long car rides because I knew there would be arguing about this subject. I didn't know what was going on at the time but now I know. I am sure he drove us around like that countless times. Thank God we didn't die or kill someone else.
In high school I joined SADD (Students Against Drunk Driving) because I vowed I would NEVER drive drunk. Why would someone do such a thing??? My junior year of high school on New Year's Day we received a phone call that two of my guy friends had been killed in a car accident the night before. They were seniors in high school halfway through their senior year with bright futures ahead of them. They left behind parents who didn't know how to go on without them, friends who became lost without them, and they left behind a message to everyone - don't drive drunk. It was found that they had been drinking when they wrecked. It was devastating in high school to go through this. If I thought I would never drive drunk before that, I sure as heck knew at that point I never would. I had friends who died because of it! And in high school, I never did. In fact, I only drank a couple of times in high school and didn't drive any of those times. I would have been way too scared to do so.
In college and in my early 20's I began really drinking a lot and going out a lot. At some point I just decided that getting behind the wheel of the car after a long night of drinking was better than waiting on a cab or having to go pick up my car the next day. I can't tell you how many times my friends and I left bars or parties after drinking entirely too much. We could barely walk straight some nights, much less drive across town but that is exactly what we did. I should have been arrested. I should have died or killed someone on those nights. But once again, thank God I didn't get what I deserved. The more I did it, the more it became easy to do. It became part of the routine in fact. I used cabs a couple of times but not nearly enough.
Also in my early 20's I woke up one morning very early to a phone call from one of my closest friends at the time. She was crying. She was calling to me that our other very close friend's husband had been killed in a car accident that morning on the way to work. He was on his way to work and was hit head on by a truck going the wrong way on a 4 lane highway. This was the hardest thing I have ever been through with a friend. Going to help plan a funeral, going to visit a friend the night of hearing this news, and watching her try to pick up the pieces afterwards was devastating. And....the person who hit her husband was drunk. And he was not injured at all. He had left a local bar after drinking all night. I went with her to court where he was sentenced but in our eyes he wasn't going to be behind bars for long enough. I was very angry at this man at the time. How could someone do this? Yet, I did it all the time. That could have been me. My disease was eating my so much that I didn't see that I was doing the same thing and had just been lucky so far.
Two weeks ago, my 18 year old sister received a call that one of her 20 year old friends had been hit head on by a vehicle while driving home that night. And....the driver of the vehicle that killed her was drunk. They lived. She did not. 20 years old with a lot of life left to live and she died because of someone else's selfish actions.
Last week I was looking at the news and heard that there had been a wreck in our town where a teenage drunk driver had hit someone and though the injuries were not life threatening the other driver had been hurt. I prayed for all involved and went on. The next day as I looked online at the news I saw the mugshot of the driver who had been drunk. I was floored. It was a friend of mine who did outpatient treatment with me last year. She just looked so incredibly sad in that picture. She had been doing so well in her recovery and relapsed a few months ago. That is where this disease took her - to getting behind the wheel of a car with a BAL 3 times the legal limit. 19 years old and such a beautiful young woman with so much to offer. This disease has stolen so much from her, including now her freedom. She is now sitting in jail. Her mother is inconsolable. This has rocked our recovery community, especially those of us who were close to her. It shook me to the core. I am glad she was caught - this means she is no longer harming herself or others. However, I am saddened that she is still so sick and caught up in this awful addiction. All we can do at this point is pray that this is the desperation that she needed to get back into a recovery program and pray for those affected by this accident. She goes to court tomorrow morning to learn her fate. So young.
I have a completely different view of all of this now that I am sober. I have been on many sides of being affected by drunk driving - doing it myself, losing friends who were doing it, seeing friends do it and injure others, etc. I used to be very angry at people who did this which was very hypocritical considering I was doing it myself. However, now, I just pray that these people get the help that they need. Anyone who is driving around like that likely has a problem and needs help. They don't need people beating up on them and putting them down. I'm certainly not justifying their actions - it is very selfish to get behind the wheel of a car like that. This disease makes us selfish. It's probably hard for some people to see this side of things but I now have a love and tolerance for people that I never had before. I am thankful for that. And I am thankful that I never got what I deserved.
Please don't drink and drive. Give up your keys. Have someone pick you up. Call a cab. It's not worth losing your life, your freedom, or someone else's life over. I made that mistake entirely too many times myself. If you can't walk straight, chances are, you shouldn't be driving!!!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Before & After - Orange You Glad It Looks Better???
As most of you know, our house burnt down about a year and a half ago and we rebuilt a new beautiful home last June. We are still kind of in the process of replacing things especially furniture. I am not the kind of person who wants to just go buy a bunch of new furniture to fill my house. I like to wait until the right piece comes along. This means I still have some holes to fill, but hey, at least when they are filled they will be filled with something I love.
I have been looking for a chest for our basement for awhile and I decided to start looking at our local Craigslist in hopes to find some good deals. And then about a month ago it was as if all of the furniture stars were aligned! Hubby and I took a trip to Lexington, KY (Go CATS!) and I found this awesome little shop that sold Annie Sloan's Chalk Paint and that was the first I had seen of it (yes, slightly behind in this neck of the woods...). I was in love! When we got back home I discovered that I couldn't buy it around here so I decided to just wait and get some one day when a project came along. Well, wouldn't you know, that week I found a nice big chest on Craigslist for $70 and I bought it! I knew then that I HAD to use some of the Chalk Paint on it. After much debate I decided to go with Barcelona Orange. We are not afraid of color in this house and I have a great picture to hang above it with some orange in it so why not? I ordered my Barcelona Orange Chalk Paint and some clear and dark Annie Sloan wax to go along with it. The chest was in decent shape but had a lot of wear and tear to it. But the fabulous thing that I had read about this paint was that there was NO prep work. No need to sand, no need to prime, nothing. SOLD.
Here is the before-just your typical chest with old hardware
I removed the hardware, cleaned it up and got ready to slap the first layer of paint on. After layer one dried (quickly I might add) I decided I wanted to add another coat. This all just depends on what kind of look you are going for. Here is how it looked after one coat:
After two coats of paint I started the sanding process. This paint is awesome for sanding off spots to make it look distressed. It comes right off! This was kind of the fun, artsy part of the process. Here is how it looked after the sanding. Ready for the wax!
After a clear coat of wax and dark wax in the spots where I wanted it, I let it dry and added the new hardware that I purchased on Ebay for cheap. Oh, also, I lined the drawers with pretty liner paper that I scored at TJ Maxx for cheap. Love me some cheap items in case you couldn't tell. HA
So finally, viola! Finished product! I really enjoyed this whole process. This chalk paint was amazing to use and I highly recommend it if you are going for this distressed look on furniture. The no prep work is to die for. It was a quick and easy project and I love the difference that the paint made on this chest. It looks perfect in our basement now!
I have been looking for a chest for our basement for awhile and I decided to start looking at our local Craigslist in hopes to find some good deals. And then about a month ago it was as if all of the furniture stars were aligned! Hubby and I took a trip to Lexington, KY (Go CATS!) and I found this awesome little shop that sold Annie Sloan's Chalk Paint and that was the first I had seen of it (yes, slightly behind in this neck of the woods...). I was in love! When we got back home I discovered that I couldn't buy it around here so I decided to just wait and get some one day when a project came along. Well, wouldn't you know, that week I found a nice big chest on Craigslist for $70 and I bought it! I knew then that I HAD to use some of the Chalk Paint on it. After much debate I decided to go with Barcelona Orange. We are not afraid of color in this house and I have a great picture to hang above it with some orange in it so why not? I ordered my Barcelona Orange Chalk Paint and some clear and dark Annie Sloan wax to go along with it. The chest was in decent shape but had a lot of wear and tear to it. But the fabulous thing that I had read about this paint was that there was NO prep work. No need to sand, no need to prime, nothing. SOLD.
Here is the before-just your typical chest with old hardware
BEFORE & AFTER!
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